i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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