my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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