Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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