somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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