her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
