I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize