I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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