Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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