Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
