I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize