he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
