So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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