Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
