I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
