Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
