I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
