He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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