burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
