Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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