I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
