the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
