Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
