I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
