let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
