I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
