So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
