I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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