Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
