Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize