No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
