We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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