Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
