btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
