I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
