so explain again why im purple
no
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
