I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
