need another drink. this is the easiest way
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
