dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
