FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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