you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize