Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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