We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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