just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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