some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you had me at cake vodka
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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