Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
