I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
