Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
