I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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