she woke up with a sticky ear
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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