Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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