I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
