If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
