my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
