New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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