How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
