He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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