She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
