Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
