Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
