So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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