If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
