I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
