I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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